Not many 34 year olds can say they began life at such an old age. But I’m making this claim as of today. Today is the first day of the rest of my life. I say this because today is the day I start my diet.
This diet is nothing but revolutionary. You won’t find it on the bookshelves of Amazon.com yet. You won’t hear doctors or nutritionists talk about this sort of diet because they are just not hip to the idea yet. Once they hear of my new diet and people see what radical changes this diet causes I think the world will take notice.
Announcing the Hunger Strike Diet! You heard it here. Today I’m going on a hunger strike in order to lose weight. Not only that but I’d like to see some things change a bit at the sign shop where I work. For one, I’d like to see more search engine freedom where I work. Right now we have this bully of an IT guy Al who puts the fear of God into my boss about the danger of the world-wide web. Right now my boss listens to the fire and brimstone that Al preaches and the internet is all but blocked from any of the employees. I’d like to see more access to the internet so that I don’t miss out viral videos that might be taking place while I’m supposed to be working.
I’m also starting the Hunger Strike Diet in order to lose weight. Right now I’m pushing 300 pounds, I’m 34 years old, and my weight is effecting my ability to squeeze into the local pizzeria where the booths were built for a 1960′s NASA scientist body type. I figure a good old fashion hunger strike would not only get me the time-wasting internet searching that I crave, but I might lose a couple of pounds in the process.
So it’s all set. I’m starting my Hunger Strike Diet as of now.
HUNGER STRIKE UPDATE: 11:04 AM
I just realized that today is Sunday and I don’t work until tomorrow morning. My Hunger Strike Diet starts tomorrow. This is good news anyway I was craving some cake.